“Who am I?”
I tried to answer this question for as long as I remember. And I am certain I am not alone. It is the most common question a 10 year old is trying to answer, a 20 year old, even at 30 and you best believe even at 70 or 80.
As children we look at the adult world around us, with hope filled eyes. In any families there is a dotting parent who teaches us what is best to do, and what will be considered a “no no”. These safety bumpers are placed around us. And we have to remain confined in those safety bumpers and explore the world. Some cultures pick a career for their newborn child, others expect the child to know by the time he/she is as young as 5.
We are born and handed a list of errands to run. Majority of them are set by our household. By the time we are expected to run our own - we have already developed thought patterns and muscle memory from those expectations and lost our individuality. We ask our friends what do you mean you are an atheist? or What do you mean your family doesn’t eat pork? Before we know it, we take out our measuring sticks to see where we stand in our social circle or even in the world.
But to answer the question “who am I?” at any age is truly impossible.
Which makes the task of me telling you who I am, even laughable.
I wake up every morning, and I make breakfast on most days, while connected to a work call on my bluetooth headset. Sure I have chosen this life of multi tasking but the basic need to eat and work was handed to me by biology and society. Now I can continue telling everyone (which I have proudly over the years) “I am a multi-tasker! That is just who I am!”. But to really see some truth to that statement, I will have to dig within myself. Do I truly enjoy waking up few minutes before the workday starts to shower, get dressed in a rush and then join a call? While figuring out am I making breakfast during or after my current or next meeting. Or since I have to meet my survival instinct to eat but have nonstop meetings, so I have now opted to become a multi tasker?
This is just a small example of how we become who we THINK we are, who we WANT to be and who will be ACCEPTED by society.
The concept of interconnectedness was something I believed in, but I could not quite describe in words why I believed in it or what was the logic behind it until recently. Once again to tell you who I am, even if I were to attempt it - I have to start with the belief that I will never really know who I am. But you my fellow human is a vessel who could let me peak into the person that I have become thus far. My individuality and personality isn’t really that individual - it is linked to many fellow humans like you from my past, that I have come across.
But it is in these moment, we should aim to marvel, evaluate and grow who we are as individuals going forward.
What is that emotion someone invoked in you? Anger? joy? disappointment or despair? If it is a positive emotion we celebrate that individual, our love for them grows. But if they brought out negative emotions then all hell breaks lose. But maybe we should thank these individuals because anything invoking strong emotions in you (positive or negative) is the moment you begin to understand yourself. You understand what your current beliefs are, what scared past you come from, what you will refuse to put up with and what you will rejoice in. But its not the “WHAT?” that matters here, as much as the “WHY?” So thank that person mentally. If you do so out loud they might think you have developed some form of insane disorder in middle of an argument. Then focus on what has triggered that emotion, sit on it, see if it needs to be changed or held closer to your heart.
In the same sense when someone tells you who they are today, if they act different in the future. Let it be. Let them discover who their true self is, in their own time. Be gentle. Maybe they are unaware that they have started prescribing to certain ideology and persona which isn’t truly them. Is it a deception they spring upon you or is it a firm believe they have within themselves? No one will know until they decide to sit and self reflect.
As much as we would like to believe in our individuality - we are nothing without each other. Human relationships and concept of interconnected is what makes and breaks us.
May the universe give me the patience to continue practicing what I preach lol. Much love <3
Warrior Huntress